I have completed seventy-eight years of my life in 1989. During this long life-span, I pursued only one aim and that was to investigate how siddhi (spiritual awakening) could be attained by s³dhan³. It occurred to me that just as several scientists devoted their entire lives in doing basic research work and had thus served mankind, it should be seriously examined whether the age-old belief that s³dhan³ leads to siddhi is correct or not and that this experiment should be done not on others but on myself. This idea sprang up within me when I was ten years old and dominated my thoughts till I was fifteen. In the meanwhile, the only thing which is worth mentioning is that my father got my upnayan (sacred thread) ceremony performed and I was initiated in G³yatrº mantra by his classmate, Mah³man³ Madan Mohan Malviya. I completed my elementary education in the primary school of the village and my father taught me Sanskrit grammar on the basis of Laghu-Koumudº and Sidh³nta-Koumudº. I used to accompany my father on his visits to rulers of princely states to deliver religious discourses on Ïrºmad Bh³gvat Pur³ña and thus I learnt Bh³gvat from the beginning to the end.

In the meantime, I was married. My wife was disciplined, industrious, service-minded and she cooperated in all my efforts. In this way fifteen years of life passed.

Morning and evening worship and prayers (sandhy³-vandana) formed part of my daily routine. At the time of my initiation, Malviyaji had told me that G³yatrº mantra was K³mdhenu of a br³hmaña and had enjoined me to at least perform five malas of G³yatrº jap (chanting the mantra 540 times) regularly; and that it was all the more beneficial if more japs could be performed. I kept this direction in mind and followed it regularly and religiously.

It was all of a sudden that God’s grace descended on me at the age of fifteen as if it was preplanned and predestined. I got an opportunity to dedicate myself single-pointedly towards the realisation of my childhood dreams. It was the day of Basant parva. While I was engrossed in worship in my room during the small hours of the morning (brahma-muh¿rta) I saw an aura of light. I was stunned, amazed and awestruck. I rubbed my eyes to ascertain whether it was a hallucination or something astral like a ghost or a demon, but it was none of these.

An astral body of a yogº emerged in the middle of that aura of light. It was astral in the sense that his figure was visible although it was hanging in the empty space with an envelope of light all around it. I was wondering as to who he was. The apparition said, "I have been linked with you and guiding you during your past several lives. Since your childhood is now over, I have come to impart you the necessary guidance. Probably you have no recollection of your past lives and so you are frightened and amazed. See the events of your past births and remove your doubts". His grace descended on me and I had a feeling of drowsiness. I experienced, for the first time in my life, what is known as yog-nidr³, a stage which is also called j³grat sam³dhi. While bathing in that state of elevated consciousness, I had a cinematographic view of actual events of my several past births.

I can still vividly recall how a glimpse of that divine personage in the form of waves of light, of whom I am a part and parcel and who appeared in my room of worship when I was fifteen, had immediately aroused a host of questions in my mind. Generally, people wander aimlessly in search of Sadguru (spiritual guide) and consider themselves extremely fortunate when they succeed in finding one . But what happened with me was altogether different. I had already been initiated by Mah³man³ Madan Mohan Malviyaji in G³yatrº mantra when I was eight years of age and so the question of selecting any other person as Guru (spiritual guide) had ended then and there. I had not even imagined of meeting another Guru. The miraculous way I was blessed in this manner all of a sudden was a matter of great wonderment for me.

Seekers are always in search of a Guru (guide). They consider themselves blessed if they happen to meet one. Often they seek from their Gurus worldly boons. Then why had the grace of such an elevated soul been suddenly showered on me? Was it a hallucination or was something inauspicious or calamitous to befall me. Such fears and doubts passed through my mind after I had the first encounter with the great Guru.

He did not feel annoyed and could understand my dilemma. It appeared to me by the cheerful demeanour of his face that he appreciated my suspense. Without wasting time, he introduced himself to me and explained the reason for his appearance by reviving the memory of my past births. It is a normal courtesy that if a person visits somebody’s house, the latter wants to know about the former’s purpose of visit.

The figure in my room of worship, who was enveloped by an aura of light, further said, "Your thinking is correct. Before spending their time and energy divine souls test the persons with whom they want to establish their soul relationship. They do not appear before any Tom, Dick or Harry to fulfil his fancies. No wise and discerning person ever tries to establish deep relationship with a person without considering his worthiness and eligibility. Several persons consider it beneficial to get linked with great and spiritually resplendent personages but they forget that no one likes to waste his energy and capabilities over a worthless person.

"I had been searching through my subtle vision for a fit medium who could be directly instrumental in promoting universal welfare. This body of mine is not physical. A person having physical body has to be made a medium and used as an instrument for action on the physical realm, which cannot be directly done through an astral body. These are critical times and there are great chances of mankind being grievously harmed and overwhelmed by the forces of darkness. I want to make you a medium to help solve the problems bedevilling humanity. You will get my guidance and cooperation and your shortcomings will be removed. It is for this purpose that I have come to you. Till now, you were engrossed in your normal life and considered yourself as an ordinary man. These days nobody believes any one all of a sudden. Your doubts would not have been properly removed by a mere verbal description of your competence. Therefore, you have been given a vision about past births."

After having projected details of some of my past lives, Gurudev indicated how he had lived with me and helped me throughout these past births.

He said, "I shall be helping you now and get all that work done through you which is essential to meet the challenges of the present times. Yogºs having only astral bodies cannot establish physical contacts which is possible only by embodied beings and hence the former depend for this purpose on the latter. It is good that you are married. These days, it is less advantageous and rather risky to remain unmarried. In ancient times, Brahma, Vishnu, Mahesh, Ganesh, Indra, Soorya all were married. The seven RiÌis had their wives, because for proper organisation and administration of Gurukuls both the father and the mother are needed. Mother provides food, residence, clothes and affection, while father looks after discipline, teachings, sanctions etc. Guru is the disciple’s father and Guru’s wife his mother according to the RiÌi traditions. These days indolent and scheming people masquerade themselves as religious teachers and saints and mislead the masses. I am very happy that you are married. There may be some interruption, but in due course you will get as your life companion a person who has lived with you as your life partner in some of your previous lives. She will live with you throughout your life and will play a significant role in your work. You were a householder in two of your past three lives. Do not think that married life will be a hindrance in your work. In fact, it will be helpful in the present circumstances and will be conducive to better results in the task of ushering in of a New Era for humanity."

It was the pre-dawn hour (brahma muh¿rta) of the auspicious day of Basant pancamº and I was busy with my daily routine of worship when I had the concrete vision of the divine personage enveloped in a column of light and he, on his own, provided answers to all doubts, questions and queries that had been lurking in my mind. I saw my past three lives one after the other from the beginning till the end, which were all for divine work and during which I had been instrumental in playing crucial roles in the regeneration and upliftment of the society and had initiated integrative and inclusive paths of s³dhan³ in tune with the needs of the times, under the guidance of that Dev³tm³ who was standing before me. All that had earlier appeared to be strange vanished from my mind and a feeling of deep intimacy, affinity and gratefulness awakened in my rejuvenated and awakened soul. My family, whom I had considered my kith and kin, appeared to be alien and I started regarding this Dev³tm³, who was before me in the form of a column of light, as the soul of my soul. I felt that my past and future were linked with him. I had no other aspiration and nothing to claim as my own but to follow rigorously and faithfully the directions of my master. This is what is called true surrender. I surrendered myself at that moment to that divine soul and regarded him not only my guide but equivalent to Divinity Itself. This relationship has been maintained for the past sixty-three years and I have been forging ahead wholeheartedly and unhesitatingly on the path indicated by him. No questions or doubts have ever arisen in my mind as to my capability to accomplish his will or what results my efforts will bear.

That day I learnt one more lesson: that the grace of divine souls is granted only for public good, for the growth of righteous attitudes and tendencies in humanity and it is not showered on anyone who hankers after fame or material prosperity. These enlightened souls have no kith or kin, opponent or rival. The all-pervading Spirit, manifested as Soul of Humanity, is their Deity and they yoke their chosen and beloved souls in the service of the Divine in humanity. In the light of this new insight, I at once recollected the master- disciple relationship of Ramkrishna-Vivekananda, Samarth Ramdas-Shivaji, Chanakya-Chandragupta, Gandhi-Vinoba, Buddha-Ashoka. Where, however, the relationship is based on mere exhibition of funny and frolicsome miracles, it should be construed that a reprehensible tendency like jugglery is going on between the so-called Guru and his disciple. Gandhbaba could create smell of any flower, Baghbaba used to call a tiger in his cottage. Samadhibaba remained buried under the ground for a number of days, Siddhababa fulfilled desires of the supplicants. Several such folk tales came to mind and I could understand how such people could have been deemed great merely for exhibitions of jugglery of the level of mesmerism. There is nothing spiritual in supernatural feats which an ordinary man cannot perform. Observing silence, taking food by keeping on the hand, keeping a hand always in a raised position, passing time lying on a cradle and similar other feats are nothing but jugglery. A real saint or his disciple has to tread the ancient path of s³dhan³ propounded by RiÌis, of devoting one’s life for public good as was done by Kabir, Chaitanya, Samarth Ramdas, Ramkrishna Paramhansa, Vivekananda, Dayananda etc. God is never pleased with those who merely chant His name. He does not need motivated worship or offerings. Chanting of God’s name is meaningful only to those who are engaged in beautifying and developing His garden, this universe. These thoughts dominated my mind throughout the day on that Basant parva. The Master clearly advised me that efforts for inner self-growth and self-improvement should go hand-in-hand with acts of public service. It was also enjoined on me to perform a chain of G³yatrº Mah³puraïcarañas during the next twenty-four years, observing certain rules and restrictions. I was also directed to work like a true volunteer in the country’s struggle for independence.

Gurudev explained how I should lead my life. He took the reins of my life in his hands, directed and guided it and crowned my every effort with success.

On that day, I wholeheartedly and completely surrendered myself to Gurudev and my inmost soul silently pledged: "I hereby surrender to you all that I am and have. I have not seen God but you are my God because you are guiding me towards my highest good. I will explicitly mould my life in accordance with the instructions imparted by you".

The instructions that Gurudev gave that day were (i) performance of twenty-four Mah³puraïcarañas of G³yatrº in twenty-four years; (ii) installation of an uninterruptedly lighted ghrit lamp; and (iii) visiting his retreat in the Him³layas four times as per his calls, and living there in some proximate place for prescribed periods for intensive spiritual pursuits (s³dhan³) under his direct and systematic guidance. Some further instructions, which need not be disclosed here, were also given. All these instructions have been followed throughout my life and all that has been accomplished in my life is the result of Gurudev’s grace.

Meeting an authentic Guru – A unique act of grace

Ramkrishna had gone in search of Vivekananda to his house. Samarth Ramdas had discovered Shivaji. Chandragupta was caught hold of by Chanakya. Gokhale won over Gandhi. This equally well applied in my case. Gurudev appeared before me in my house in his astral body when I was fifteen year old, activated and empowered my faith and yoked all the energies of my being in a specific direction.

While countless persons wandering in search of a Sadguru return empty-handed after being deceived by quacks, what was particularly special about me for which a divine being had to appear before me uninvited, and spontaneously showered his grace on me? The only rational answer is that I had earned merit for this benediction by s³tvika austerities over many earlier lifetimes. This does not happen randomly. It requires devout austerities and overcoming of evil tendencies over a long period of self-effort.

A combination of determination, patience and devotion creates the firm background for spiritual awakening. Earning such merit is true discipleship, after which it takes no time to attain fulfilment. It is the attainment of merit which takes time. No time is taken in finding the Guru. Eklavya’s Dronacharya, prepared out of clay, proved more effective than the real one. When Ramananda refused to initiate Kabir, as he was an untouchable, he discovered a device. He lay down in the dark on the stairs of Kashighat. When Ramananda passed through the stairs before dawn to take his bath, his feet suddenly fell on the chest of Kabir. Ramananda was startled. He uttered ‘Ram’ and drew back. Kabir took this utterance to be his initiation: ‘Ram’ as his mantra and Ramananda as his Guru. This is the magic of true faith. When an idol of stone can become God, why cannot an appropriate person be made Guru on the strength of faith and devotion? This does not require whispering something in the ear or performing any rituals.

Guru is needed for spiritual awakening because he discharges the dual responsibility of father and teacher. A child is brought up and educated through the cooperation of both the father, who spends a part of his earnings on his maintenance and education, and the teacher who imparts knowledge to him. Father can fulfil the physical needs whereas guidance for spiritual growth is given by the Guru from his accumulated store of divine energy. The disciple can do nothing on his own strength. That is the truth behind the saying, ‘there is no knowledge without Guru’.

There are people who ever remain on vain search of a Guru. Even when they are able to find some illumined person they get disappointed because they undeservedly expect the Guru to bestow on them their divine gifts; and no true master would squander away his hard-earned attainments on an undeserving person for mere gratification of his ego. A true master is wise enough to judge the worthiness or otherwise of a seeker.

Dayananda had transformed his life in accordance with the instructions of his Guru, Virjananda. Vivekananda relinquished all his desires and took to strenuous s³dhan³ to please his Guru. This is the real surrender and devotion to the Guru. Hanuman surrendered himself to Ram and apparently lost everything but became a saint and was empowered to accomplish superhuman tasks that Ram alone could have done. Crossing the sea, uprooting mountains, setting fire to Lanka were feats which Hanuman could not have been able to do by himself. On his own he was unable even to protect his master, Sugreeva, from the tyranny of Bali. It was unconditional surrender which created complete integration with the Lord of his devotion. A little water of Ganga falling in a gutter becomes dirty, but if and when a stream of this polluted water embraces the main stream of Ganga, it loses its separate impure existence and becomes holy Ganga itself. Ordinary and ignorant persons lacking any merit become worthy of initiation into the spiritual path by unconditionally surrendering themselves to a competent awakened soul. On embracing fire, a piece of wood becomes identical with and as bright as fire itself.

The aim of devotion is attainment of God awareness, but to establish a link with God, the Invisible, it is necessary to take support of some visible symbol, This need can be fulfilled either by idols of God or by some living Guru of spiritual attainment.

My aspirations were fulfilled all of a sudden. No doubt, my s³dhan³ had been started long back in previous births to attain worthiness. Awakening of kuñÃalinº power, God realisation, liberation etc. are all subsequent events. The first and the foremost thing is to acquire the ability to attain and bear with equanimity the inrush of divine light and energy, otherwise it creates imbalance and complications as it happens when one tries to lift a weight beyond one’s capacity or eats what one cannot digest.

Surrender to the Guru was accomplished on the very first day of our meeting and my loyalty was immediately tested. Two things were specifically enjoined on me: One, turn a deaf ear to what worldly people say and march ahead towards the goal all alone on your own strength; Two, practise devout austerity (tapaïcary³) to make yourself progressively more and more purified in heart and brilliant in intellect. For this, sustain yourself only on barley bread and buttermilk during the period in which twenty-four G³yatrº Mah³puraïcarañas are performed. You will get all divine gifts which a pilgrim of spiritual path gets on attainment of competence.

These gifts will be meant purely for being used for benevolent and altruistic purposes and not for fulfilment of petty selfish motives. That momentous day of Basant parva became for me a day of adoption of Gurudev’s discipline and beginning of a new way of life. There is no shortage of beggars in this world but there are also rare benevolent persons who gift away everything to deserving persons. Krishna had gifted away, unasked, plentiful prosperity to Sudama. Meeting of my Sadguru was an event of unique and extremely good fortune for me.

A vision of past births which Gurudev had shown to me related to spiritual masters of rare eminence who were all shining stars in the reformist tradition of Indian saints. They worked for the wellbeing and upliftment of religion, society, nation and culture of their times.

They were all devotees of God because without divine devotion it is difficult to get rid of sins and impurities and attain spiritual illumination and strength. Along with their own spiritual upliftment, they were engaged in the tasks of transmuting and beautifying this universe, the garden of God.

I had no desire to know more than what I was revealed. I thought it proper to sit on one boat , remain under the benevolent protection and seek support of only one master and not to allow my faith to falter. The events relating to the previous births were quite sufficient for my assurance.

Those who undertake the responsibility of performing momentous tasks have to face and surmount great difficulties at every step of the uphill journey. They have to display extraordinary fortitude. This was required of me also in ample measure. Gurudev has been appearing for my help from time to time. He has been immensely augmenting my own insignificant abilities with his great spiritual force and has been rescuing and uplifting me in critical moments, when my own feeble feet were on the point of staggering. I had decided once for all that my life shall remain surrendered at his feet and I will implicitly comply with his directions.

1: THE NEED FOR IN-DEPTH SURVEY OF MY PRESENT LIFE SOJOURN
2: THE SUNRISE OF MY LIFE’S FORTUNE
3: GUIDELINES BY GURUDEV ABOUT MY FUTURE LINE OF ACTION
4: FIRST CALL OF GURUDEV – TESTS AT EVERY STEP
5: PILGRIMAGE AND PROJECTION OF THE FIELD OF WORK
6: SOWING SEEDS FOR SUBLIMATION OF ATTITUDES AND THOUGHTS
7: REVELATION - TECHNIQUE OF THE SUBLIME TRANSFORMATION
8: SOWING THE SEEDS OF RIßI TRADITIONS
9: MIND OF A BRÂHMANA – ACTIONS OF A RIßI
10: VISIBLE ATTAINMENTS OF SÂDHANÂ (SIDDHI)
11: FOURTH AND FINAL PILGRIMAGE TO THE HIMÂLAYAS
12: TRANSFORMATION OF THE PHYSICAL INTO ASTRAL